The Unpreparedness of Sudden Purpose

WARNING: This is NOT a blog post about my first week in Dharamsala. That one is coming soon, but this is a special one about an absolutely unforgettable experience I had last night. Also, this post is very long... but it's full of juicy stuff!

As I mentioned, this all happened last night. I was so overwhelmed by everything that I had to get up early this morning just to write it all down so I wouldn't forget anything. After this experience, I must say that I truly feel like a missionary in a foreign land for the first time. It's terrifying. And thrilling, amazing, and feels a little bit ludicrous too. But doors are being opened in front of me, and I must go through.

I don't know how to begin this, so I'll just dive in.

Suzie and I were catching up on the day when Dawa (our IVHQ coordinator here in Dharamsala) and his friend, a very charismatic and engaging Tibetan, came in. When I asked his name, the man said ‘Bond. James Bond.’ and said he was from England. This was his type of humor, and he used it all night. Really a very funny, likeable guy. I never found out his real name, so I’ll just call him James as I did last night.

After a while of talking about unrelated topics (during which time Eddie and Sara got home and joined us), James started talking passionately about Tibet. As it turns out, he had come back from visiting Tibet for the first time only two months ago. James was born in India and grew up here, but visited his home country for the first time for two months. He said that getting into Tibet wasn’t difficult and that he had to get permission from the Chinese government as well as carry a piece of paper which stated clearly that he was a Tibetan from India. However, he said that paper meant nothing in China and that he feared for his life. Truly, he was not sure he would make it out alive because it’s extremely dangerous for a Tibetan to have come from India to Tibet, as the Chinese know then that his family had fled at some point in time and could us that knowledge as grounds for annihilation. He could easily have been killed. Killed. KILLED.

James said that, in China, rules and laws concerning Tibet are only ceremonial and that Tibetans really have no power. China has all the power, and there is no space for Tibet to move. Tibet never had a large military, and James said the border between Tibet and India used to be ‘the most peaceful, with only 75 policemen protecting the border’. Now, he said, there are tens of thousands of Chinese soldiers guarding the border. In the last ten years, it is estimated that at least 1 million Tibetans have been killed. James and Dawa explained that the Dalai Lama, as the political as well as religious seat of power in Tibet, has had numerous talks with China and that there is little leeway being given for Tibetan rights by the Chinese government. The Dalai Lama is asking that Tibet remain under Chinese rule, but be allowed to cultivate their heritage and way of life. He cannot ask that Tibet be autonomous of Chinese rule because that is simply impossible and they would be wiped out easily. The only choice really is the aforementioned request, but even that is not proving fruitful as the Chinese government is requiring that Tibet ‘acknowledge’ two things: 1, that Tibet has always been under Chinese rule, and 2, that Tibet acknowledge that Taiwan is under Chinese rule. The Dalai Lama cannot acquiesce because firstly, he cannot change history which shows blatantly that Tibet was not before under Chinese rule and secondly because he cannot speak for Taiwan. Hence, he cannot meet their demands and they will not move. Right now, it seems they are at an impass.

James said that, when he visited his home country for that first time, he felt two things very strongly: great joy at seeing the home of his people and great sadness. The sight of his country brought him to tears; it was almost magical. I am amazed that he made it out of Tibet alive, to be honest. We cannot comprehend what that type of persecution must be like, and we tried  to express what we were feeling to James and Dawa last night. James explained that he knew how difficult a situation it must be for us, because our countries (America especially) understands the moral abomination happening in Tibet but cannot do anything because of our dependence on China for goods and our indebtedness to them. It’s extremely frustrating to me, that our country can well see what is happening but is fairly powerless to do anything, and moreso that we are in fact supporting China financially. James quoted multiple occasions where American governmental heads have expressed support and sympathy for Tibet and anger towards China (Nancy Pelosi, Obama, etc.), and did not hold us responsible for our countries’ actions. In fact, he pointed out that when you cannot do what needs to be done at the national level, you can still work at the individual level and truly, that is what we are doing here. That was encouraging to hear, knowing that I can still make a difference for these people in my own capacity here during my visit to India.

Things are looking worse, though: James and Dawa told us that, four days ago, China prohibited any foreign media inside Tibet. No foreign newspapers, cameras, etc. This is largely because the anniversary of the date the Dalai Lama fled from Tibet is in March and that is the day the Tibetans have their largest riots. Basically, the Chinese government doesn't want the world to see how they react/behave on that day. My guess is that many more Tibetans will be slaughtered.

James (he liked to talk) then started talking about religion and stated that he is not very Buddhist because he prefers to rely on reason. He is one of those people who have looked at all of the horrible things that have been done in the name of religion and become disenchanted. However, he did wax heavily on the points of Buddhism that talk about how people should live their lives, essentially those ‘right’ ways of treating others and morality issues and such. I suddenly found an opening where I could share about my religion and faith. I firstly brought up the empathy I felt with James, in that I am all too aware of the many ways ‘Christians’ have abused our religion to do horrible, mindless acts on others. I conveyed that I understand the propensity of many people, then, to call us hypocrites and say that our religion is meaningless, that if we truly believed and followed our religion we wouldn’t behave these ways. On one hand, they’re totally right in their reactions to those situations. Heck, even if you go back to the Bible (which you always should), the Old Testament has multiple occasions where God instructs his followers to kill and pillage. How do you justify that? On the other hand, those people are wrong in generalizing us because of a few crazies. I get their frustration, but hopefully most of us are truly trying to live God-pleasing lives and hopefully those people would recognize that.

I didn’t go into some of that with James, but I did express my empathy and then talked about the Fruit of the Spirit, and about Jesus, and how a central aim for Christians is to strive to lead lives that are as close to Jesus Christ’s as possible. All of a sudden, I was being a witness of my faith to a room full of people, and it felt so good, so natural. We found common ground in this talk, in the points of both religious teachings that paralleled, and hopefully it opened the door for further conversations about religion down the road.

(By the way, if you want to know more about the struggle in Tibet and the monks who have been self-immolating in defiance of Chinese persecution, the fb group 'Students for a Free Tibet', is chock full of information which they update regularly. I've been a subscriber for more than a year now.)

Before all of this happened, though, there was another experience that I was also not prepared for at all. When James and Dawa first came into the room, Dawa sat by me and James by Suzie so naturally I started talking with Dawa. Dawa, by the way, must be only a few years older than me. He’s single and our host family mother, Dolma, is actually his cousin (I thought he said she was his sister at first, but in India and Tibet they often call cousins their brother or sister) so he’s here quite often. Interestingly enough, I found out tonight that the host family in Bir, where I’ll be going in a few months for my last volunteering stint, are his parents. I guess it’s a family business! Anyway, Dawa asked me what I was studying in school, so I told him psychology. I then had to explain the difference between psychologists and psychiatrists to him, but as soon as I did he said, ‘I can be your first patient!’, and completely unloaded on me. He talked about having taken a drug four years ago to ‘cure’ something that gave him hallucinations, and since then he’s had these uncontrollable fears about death, going to new places by himself, and being in new places with other people, as well as a few other things. Then he asked what I thought all of that meant. I spent at least a half hour with him, asking questions and trying to find out more information so I’d have something to start with. I gave him a few basic instructions, such as to stay away from funky drugs, think realistically about the fact of death but positively about his day-to-day living and some breathing instructions. I asked about the possibility of getting psychiatric help here, and he said that there are really only people down in Delhi and that they are too expensive. He said that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to go to someone and get real help, so he was pleading with me to help him. How can I not? I told him I would do my best to research his ailments and come up with possible scenarios, and I also said that we should continue to talk about all of this, try to probe deeper.

I feel completely inadequate for this. I never expected that I would be serving this way whilst over here. Serving children, yes. Having some conversations about faith with my fellow volunteers, sure. But talking with a Tibetan about national struggles and religion? Being thrust headfirst into counseling sessions with my project coordinator? I don’t even know where to begin. I’m not qualified for this. I haven’t had any training. I think I’m beginning to recognize the fact that I am a true missionary here. I think I’m beginning to understand God’s voice, telling me that I have a lot of time here and that He’s going to make sure I’m using it fully for Him. Last night, He was yelling in my heart. I’m scared, really, to be doing these things. However, I have great comfort in knowing that God has placed me in these situations to do the best I can, to stretch me and stretch others through me. I know that God does not give me more than I can handle and that I will be OK. I just pray I have the strength to keep up, that I don’t fall behind or become complacent and fall into the trap of believing that I’m not cut out for this. Please, folks, pray for me as I’m being confronted by these unexpected challenges. It would mean so much, and I need strength. Pray also for Tibet, while you're at it. They could use some compassion.

Take care, all. 

Peace,

Aaron